Stretch Your Bootie! Anal stretching, training and even warm-up

Anal stretching and anal training are not-uncommon thoughts among people who like playing with their butts (how can I get something a little bigger in? How can I get this so it feels better?), but often the thoughts of anal stretching or anal training are linked with pain or BDSM. What is anal stretching? First let's ask what is it not: it's not the rack. You're not trying to pry open an unwilling anus with power tools. What is commonly referred to as “anal stretching” or “anal training” is a combination of a lot of learning to relax with a little stretching of the sort you used to do in P.E. It's always gentle, always slow, and (probably the biggest difference between anal stretching and P.E.) always well-lubed. It's nothing more than anal warm up on a larger scale, and many of the techniques are also applicable to anal warm-up. So what's anal training? "Anal training" is often linked with BSDM more than any of the others, but it's simply a program of anal "stretching" (really relaxation) with the intent of letting someone take larger items into their anus.

Why would you be interested in pursuing anal stretching? The most obvious reason is if you're trying to take a larger item than you're currently comfortable with, but anal stretching is also great for warm-up and for enabling you to take a current toy more easily.

What do anuses and the elephants of adages have in common? They never forget. Truthfully this isn't strictly accurate, but what is true is that it takes a lot of work to make an anus (and the person connected with it) forget a painful experience. Yes, it sounds odd for me to talk about a person and their anus as both having memories in the same sentence, but I do it for a very good reason: the anal area has both consciously and subconsciously controlled muscles, and you need to get them both to cooperate in order to have anything more than the most basic buttfun. Any time you're engaged in buttplay do your best to ensure that there won't be any painful experiences for either to remember.

There are two main approaches to anal stretching, insertive stretching and removal stretching. For both of them you'll need lube, toys, a comfortable place to put yourself, and plenty of time.

Before you get ready give some thought to your preparations. I find to start with a position that enables me to completely relax is best, often lying on my back with my legs propped up against something. The other thing that I find helps are warm toys. A bowl full of warm water with the toys in it is a good way to accomplish this. Before playing at all with your bottom it's best to make sure you aren't worried, because worry = a tense anus. One thing to address is the fear of mess. Make sure you've gone to the bathroom recently and put down a towel or newspaper. If I'm using oil lube or am otherwise concerned about mess I put down some paper towels on top to they protect the fabric. If you would feel more relaxed knowing you're clean then you can clean out before with a small enema or glycerin suppository.

The last thing I'll say before we get started is be careful of the genitals. Yes, most people love to stimulate their genitals, but in most cases genital stimulation leads to anal tightening – so don't, at least while you're actively stretching. You can do a little play once a toy is in place, or as a diversion between thrusts, but stop and give your anus time to relax again before giving your toy another push.

I'll start off with insertive stretching first, because it's the place where everybody starts and also is required for removal stretching. At its most basic it is simple: lube something up and shove it up your ass. Even though it sounds simple, there are still some tricks that make it work better.

First is to start off with an anal massage. Lube up your fingers and rub around your anus. Enjoy the feelings and start to relax. Eventually you can insert a finger or two. Then move on to toys.

There are two ways to approach insertive stretching: the first is step play. In step play you start with a toy you know you can handle, play with it a while, then move to a bigger toy, play with that, etc. It's a good way to warm up, but when you're near your limits the steps between toys feel much bigger. Many dildos or probes provide step play, as do fingers.

The second method uses tapered toys, often buttplugs. Take your time with these, lube up well, and insert to where it just starts to feel like your limit. Rest it there a while, back off a bit and do mini-thrusts, twist the toy, gyrate the toy, whatever you feel like, but concentrate on relaxing. As your anus opens up let a bit more go in and start again. If you reach a limit go ahead and take a break for a minute or two, then try again. “Pushing out” like you're going to the bathroom can help, but make sure you don't push the plug in too much - remember about elephants and anuses...

The other strategy, one I fancy myself on elaborating if not devising, is what I call removal stretching. Removal stretching does the bulk of the “opening” when the toy is coming out. For this a buttplug is the best tool, because they have tapers on both the tip and the neck side of the body.

Removal stretching takes advantage of the physiological operation of your anus. When feces accumulate in the rectum they bump against the inside of the anus, triggering relaxation and a need to use the toilet. By using the relaxation reflex, removal stretching can be easier to accomplish. In a nutshell, what you do for relaxation stretching is insert a plug and then pull slightly on the base so the body taper is pulled up against the anus. Eventually the anus will relax enough for the plug to come out. Don't hurry it too much, otherwise you'll hurt yourself and elephants and anuses(...) - what you want is a gradual opening of the anus until the plug comes out on its own. Once it comes out gently reinsert and let the process repeat until you can easily and gently thrust the plug in and out, then if you want move up to a larger size and repeat.

I'm sure that everyone has seen the potential problem by now. In order for a plug to slide out of the rectum it must first be inside the rectum, and in most cases this means that you have to be able to push the plug through the anus, which requires an anus that can open that much, which means it needs to be stretched already ... and so on. Though it sounds circular you can use this method to open up in two different ways.

First, the repeated relaxation from the inside helps the anus to take a larger plug afterwards, so you can start with something you can insert and move up from there in the step play manner. The second is choosing a plug that can be tweaked in order to have it be smaller going in than going out. While an inflatable plug seems ideal for this, I haven't tried one out yet because I don't like the look of most inflatable plugs – cheap materials and questionable durability have kept me from these. The other option is to try a toy such as the Doc Johnson Sexy Spades or Sasha Grey Signature plug, where it can be inserted at an angle for a slightly smaller maximum body circumference. Personally, I use my Sasha Grey Signature Large to work up to the Tantus A-Bomb and it seems to work quite well with the removal method.

The Doc Johnson Sexy Spades Medium

The Doc Johnson Sasha Grey Signature Large - similar design

Finding a good toy for stretching can be difficult. The ideal toy for insertive stretching is a gentle cone with a base that takes you up an inch in diameter over about 7” of length, but there are few of these, especially in the larger sizes. Removal stretching toys can be easier to find, but again things get hard when you're over about 2” of diameter. There are some insertive probes with nice graduations, for instance the Tantus Cowboy, but of such a length that you might be pushing your limits for both depth and width – never a good idea. Always stick with one at a time. What toys have you found that you like for stretching/training/warmup?

The Tantus Cowboy - one big chunk of silicone, but it does feel good.

It's been a while

I look at the timestamp on the last post and see that time has marched on. Between job and family I haven't had the time that I used to for writing articles, and unfortunately that seems as though it will continue for a while. Updates to Bottomtalk will be likely few and far between, but they will come. I've always tried to run this more as a website than a blog, with articles written to be useful over a long period of time, so I hope that you still find it useful as a reader.

Prostate massage and health

"Massage your prostate for better prostate health!"

You don't need to look too hard to find someone making this claim. Sometimes they're trying to sell prostate massagers, other times it's just someone encouraging people to try out prostate play. No matter what the motivation, there's still one problem: it isn't entirely accurate.

There have been studies that show a correlation between frequent ejaculation (between once a day and approximately twice every three days) and a lower incidence of prostate cancer later on in life among the sample. The reductions noted by the researchers were significant - between about 32% for men having around 21 ejaculations per month to around 50 percent for those in the once-a-day club.

This is by no means bad news. Think about it - you can possibly cut your cancer risk by doing something fun. The problem is reading too much into it.

Firstly, the study is only correlative. It doesn't prove that frequent ejaculations work, but only suggests a relationship. Granted, if you're safe and sane about your ejaculations there's not much of a downside to this therapy, but you still can't take it to the bank yet. I also don't know exactly what they controlled, so it's possible that the study has further limits.

Secondly, the study really doesn't say anything about prostate massage at all. Sure, prostate massage can give you a very pleasurable orgasm and ejaculation, but so can other means. While I'm a strong proponent of buttfun in general, including prostate play, you shouldn't try to pressure someone into something using spurious health arguments. It didn't work when your parent told you to "eat this, it's good for you", so why should telling your partner "bend over, it's good for you" make them like it?

For those guys out there who think this might be just the way to get their partners to play around down there I'd also recommend avoiding it. Think about what you're saying: "Honey, play with my butt. If you don't want to that's OK, but please promise me you'll put flowers on my grave every month after I die from prostate cancer because you were afraid of getting your finger a little dirty". Guilt works for moms, but it really shouldn't be used to get sexual favors in a relationship.

Does this mean I'm now all of a sudden against prostate play? No way! Careful prostate play can feel great and add a new dimension to your sex life - you just should get into it for the right reasons. Give it a try because you're willing to experiment with pleasure in a new way, not because you're trying to follow the latest health rage.

This also doesn't mean that prostate massage doesn't potentially have health benefits. While there haven't been any studies showing benefit all that means is that there haven't been any studies showing a benefit. A studiy on prostate massage won't be a glamorous study, and it's not likely to be one that will lead to a big payout, so there aren't many researchers rushing to sign up. Similarly it would likely still be difficult to find subjects in a statistically valid manner, so I imagine that a true study of the health effects of prostate massage is still many many years off. It's possible that massaging the prostate can help keep it working better, but it hasn't been shown yet. Until it has any claims for special curative powers are unsubstantiated. That doesn't mean you can't enjoy some prostate play in the meantime (and perhaps hope that it helps) - so go ahead, but don't make claims for prostate massage that aren't there yet (though you can feel free to try to get a study going on it).

References: Something missing from so many discussions!

Here's the most recent study: http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1464-410X.2008.08030.x/abstract;jsessionid=C3C8E7F91A2AD654A05E82BC2D44EAAC.d02t03
It isn't as clear cut as the earlier studies, but then again it is backwards looking (taking people who have had prostate cancer and looking at their ejaculation history). Here's the more famous JAMA study from 2004 that was forward looking (questionnaires taken every two years and then correlated with later diagnoses): http://jama.ama-assn.org/content/291/13/1578

Post link: The World According to Woman on Masturbating (including buttplay)

Just saw this, looks like a nice short rundown on how masturbation and anal play can be fun and healthy for both sexes (though it concentrates on men).

Full story here: http://theworldaccordingtowoman.wordpress.com/2011/01/24/gentlemen-let-a-woman-meet-your-rear/

The Vixen Astro Vibe kit: Almost heavenly (sponsored by Vibrator.com)

The sex toys purveyors at Vibrator.com was kind enough to send me the Vixen Astro vibrating dildo kit for review (and also kind enough to put up with this review being a little late because of personal issues - thanks!). For those of you who are not familiar with the Astro, it is a large nonrealistic dildo built for aggressive stimulation, as it has a pronounced curve, hooked head, and three very noticeable ridges spaced along the shaft. It's available in one color only: an iridescent lime green that is really quite pretty and heightens the nonrealistic look. Chances are when you see a good picture of the Astro you'll think two things - firstly that it's a very pretty color, and secondly that it is way too scary to let anywhere near your anus. For a while I thought that too, and my thoughts were definitely not helped by looking at the specs. The Astro has a maximum size of two inches, and an insertable length of nearly six and a half. Combine that with those very noticeable ridges and it is easy to see why the Astro makes it on many people's "not gonna do it" list, at least for anal use.


Eventually it made its way off of my "not gonna do it" list, and thanks to Vibrator.com it made its way into my hands (as well as other parts of my body). I learned really fast that the Astro isn't anywhere near as scary as it sounds or looks in the pictures.

There are several reasons that the Astro is a good anal dildo in spite of the scary look. Firstly, it's made out of Vixen's soft, plushy silicone, so the ridges flatten out a bit during thrusting and the dildo bends to fit your rectum. It's still stiff enough to be easily inserted and very stimulating with every thrust, it's just not stiff enough to irritate or bruise. The second reason has to deal with the measurements. Everyone is being completely truthful when they say that the maximum diameter of the Astro is two inches and the circumference is 6-1/2", because it is. The part that the numbers don't tell you is that it only hits 2" at the bottom of the dildo, in the last 1-1/2" of usable length. The rest of the dildo is much more manageable, with the narrowest diameters of 1.5"x1.25" (note that the Astro has an oval cross section over most of its length, so there are two diameters), and 1.5x1.5 in the second to the last segment, 4-1/2" from the tip. Yep, you heard it right: the scary, 2-inch monster with jagged sawtooth edges is really a mostly-manageable near-1.5" dildo over much of its length equipped with soft undulations. If you're somewhat experienced and careful how deep you thrust almost anyone can enjoy this dildo.

The base and last section of the dildo, showing the flare to 2" diameter.

If you take the plunge you'll probably love it as much as I do. The design of the dildo is excellent, especially if you're blessed with a prostate. Not only do you have the hooked tip, but also the three ridges which are definitely noticeable both at the anus and inside. Since the Astro is silicone you can thoroughly clean it after anal use and enjoy the same features vaginally, where they target the G-spot. If you're interested in using the Astro in a harness it will oblige, as the base is sturdy enough to give a secure hold in any O-ring harness with a 2" ring.

You may have noticed that I haven't mentioned the vibrating feature yet. That's because the vibrations are one of the things on the very short list of stuff that Vixen didn't quite do right on the Astro. The vibrations are provided by a removable silver bullet that can be put in a vibrator pocket in the base of the Astro. Vixen did their usual good job with the vibrator pocket, ensuring that the bullet was fully recessed so it doesn't poke or get unexpectedly switched on or off, but the fact remains that the Astro is a big chunk of silicone and a silver bullet is kind of small. Yes, you can feel the vibes when you have it turned on, but they aren't much. Fortunately the deep pocket and standard vibrator size means that you have other options. If you like vibration you can get a stronger bullet, and it will fit just fine in the deeper pocket. I tried it with a Rocks Off RO-80MM, and while the vibrator did stick out a bit it was securely held and definitely more powerful. If you choose to forgo the vibrations the vibrator pocket can be put to other uses, and the size of the Astro's base means that the absence of the vibrator doesn't weaken the toy. I like to use my Astro with either a Tantus Suction Cup attachment to turn it into a suction cup dildo, or I put my finger in the hole to help drive and control the dildo.

The Astro with Tantus Suction Cup. Yes, it's stuck to the wall.

The finger in the hole helps to stabilize the dildo from rotating and helps to counter the other big "mis-feature" of this dildo. In common with many other toys Vixen has a plain, unmarked circular base. It's very easy to hold onto and to clean, but when the toy rotates during use there is no way to figure out which direction the tip is pointing. If you're the "getter" you can make a guess based on how it feels, but I usually don't want to do that much thinking during sex or toy time. The Astro would be much better if there were a visual and tactile way of figuring out where the tip was pointed.

So how did the Astro work for me? Unfortunately it wasn't quite perfect, but it is good enough. If you've been with Bottomtalk for a while you probably know that my favorite dildos had been the Tantus Captain/Squirt and the Fun Factory Tiger. Shortly after the Astro's arrival the Tiger was demoted back to the toybox. Astro doesn't do everything that the Tiger does, for one thing it is shorter and, unless you have an attachment such as the Tantus Suction Cup, cannot be stuck to a surface. The defining reason that Astro supplanted Tiger was what it didn't do: The Astro was as stimulating as Tiger, but it never led to soreness. Sometimes I found that the Tiger left me sore after use, but Astro didn't cause soreness even when I thrust it with reckless abandon. Hail to the new king of the jungle.

If you want an Astro you can check them out at Vibrator.com, or look there for other vibrating dildos. Vibrator also offers a blog at http://blog.vibrator.com/ with sex tips and articles.

(note: the Captain was not as direct a comparison as the Captain is a smooth dildo whereas the Astro and Tiger were both textured with ridges.)

Rundown:

Vixen Astro:

Pros: Highly stimulating, soft, vibrator pocket can be used for many things, inexpensive large silicone dildo

Cons: Included vibrator not powerful enough for a dildo of this size, no visual/tactile markings for tip direction.

Final rating: 9 out of 10 stars.

Summary: A generally very good large dildo. The Astro's soft silicone and tapered construction make it usable for almost any person with moderate anal experience, and the curve combined with the texturing makes for a very stimulating ride. Unfortunately it's sometimes easy for the Astro to spin around and be pointing in an unknown direction, and the included vibrator really isn't powerful enough for a dildo of this size.

Review sponsored by

With Vibrator.com you get discreet shipping and no embarrassment.

Handling transitions from anal: the "Ass To" problem

Unquestionably anal play can be a fun activity, but there are times when you might like to combine anal play with other sexual activities. Transitioning from another activity to anal is easy - just make sure that you're warmed up and have plenty of lube. Transitioning from anal play to a different activity is more difficult. The anal canal, rectum and entire lower intestine are the home of bugs that can wreak havoc if they move to other locations. When bugs that quietly go about their business in your colon get into your mouth, vagina, or urinary tract you can wind up with an unpleasant infection.

Why not just clean out? Take an enema or two and you'll get everything out of there that could cause a problem and then you can do whatever you want, right?

There are two problems with this, both connected with misunderstandings about how effective an enema is. Anyone who has had to go in for a colonoscopy or intestinal surgery will tell you that the prep procedure is much more involved than an enema or two. Even then you don't get the bacteria all out - their numbers are much reduced, but they're still up there and waiting for a chance to multiply again.

The only truly safe way to move from anal play to other sex acts is to wash or use barriers to make sure that no object that is contaminated by anal play (yes, I know that sounds bad but it's best to just think of it as contamination) comes in contact with another sensitive area before it has been cleaned.

With toys this is easy. It's just a matter of making sure that you have more than one toy and can easily tell the butt toys from the other toys during a play session. If you have toys in varied colors and shapes this is easy, if not you can always find a way to "tag" your toys. Colored tape or rubber bands put on a toy in a way that doesn't interfere with play works, or you can use a permanent marker. While it won't last forever on many nonporous materials (such as silicone, glass or metal), it will last for a session.

If your toys are nonporous they can be scrubbed, possibly even sanitized and then reused any way you want. Look over the information about your toy to find out ways you can clean or sanitize it - common ones are either boiling it in water or soaking it in a 10% bleach solution. Note that some toys can't stand boiling water and/or long exposures to bleach, so it is important to check things out first.
Porous toys are much more difficult. These have small channels that organic matter and pathogens can get embedded in, making cleaning and sanitization difficult or impossible - think about a sponge shrunk down to microscopic size. If a porous toy can't be boiled it can't be considered clean after anal use, and unfortunately most of these toys can't be boiled. As a result you should either use a condom (but see the next section) or have separate toys for buttplay and other play and for each user (unless you're fluid-bonded).

Condoms are another possibility for toys, but do note that they can be difficult to keep in place on some toys and it can also be very hard to find condoms large enough to completely cover the larger toys. If a part of a toy that isn't covered with a condom comes in contact with the anus/rectum or anything that comes out of the anus/rectum, such as used lube, it is contaminated and needs to be cleaned. Don't bother trying to cover larger toys with anything homebrew such as Saran Wrap, either - I've tried that and it's both clumsy and very uncomfortable.

What about body parts - fingers, penises and the like? Since they're on the body you don't have the luxury of getting another one for buttplay, so you need to find ways to use what you have. The basic rule of thumb is use a barrier or wash before putting it anywhere else. The one exception for this would be external skin contact after anal play, such as starting with anal and finishing with a handjob or breast sex.

Stopping to wash can be a big inconvenience when you're in the middle of having some fun, so using barriers is the most convenient way to mix buttplay with other sex fun. Stopping to switch condoms or gloves isn't always the hottest thing to do, and it can definitely throw your groove off, but it is the safe thing to do. Keep in mind an infection will throw your groove off for a lot longer, so safety is worth it. Besides, there are some ways to use barriers that allow you to minimize the amount of switching necessary.

One way for hands is to keep track of what hand goes where. Have a butt hand and an other activities hand, and make sure they don't get mixed up. If you're not sure about your ability to keep track of which hand is for the butt during the heat of passion you can investigate some of the newer colored gloves. Get gloves in pink, blue, or whatever your favorite color is for buttplay and you can easily remember which hand is which. While I'd like to take credit for this idea it's not mine - I got it from Tristan Taormino.

One idea that I can claim is the one that laid the foundation for this post. On the forums at EdenFantasys someone asked if there was a way that you could move back and forth between anal and vaginal sex safely. Without barriers there isn't - there's just no way to make sure that your butt is clean. Using condoms could work, but the best way by far makes use of the Reality Female Condom so you don't have to deal with stopping and changing condoms at every transition. Information on how to use the female condom for anal sex is available on-line, one source is Brown University's Health Center. Note that the biggest problem with the Reality when used for anal sex is slippage, so the receptive partner should probably hold it in place for each penetration.

Aneros MGX - sponsored by Babeland.

Already a happy owner of an Aneros Progasm (the largest Aneros prostate massager model) and a Peridise (PC exerciser and anal stimulator), both of which I like, I was intrigued by the other members of the Aneros range. According to the Aneros website, the enhanced mobility of the smaller toys are supposed to make up for the reduction in size.

I was vacillating on buying one when Babeland offered to send me one for review. If you haven't been to Babeland you should - I took a "field trip" and bought my first real sex toy at a Babeland store. It was a long drive, but worth it (I managed to link together several errands that had been needing to be done). Babeland stores are clean and welcoming, and I have always been impressed by the balance the staff showed between discretion and being willing to offer help. The store was not sleazy by any definition, which seems to be a benefit of Babeland's women owners. Not only do they sell toys, but they also host workshop sessions and lectures. In short, if you are anywhere near a Babeland store it's a nice excursion, and if not there's always the website which comes with many (though not all) of the same benefits.

The model I tried is the Aneros MGX, one of the midsize models and good for just about anyone. All of the Aneros prostate massagers are designed for handsfree operation and work by converting the movements of your PC muscles ("Kegels") and anus into stimulation of the prostate - both internal stimulation from the body of the Aneros and external stimulation from the perinium tab.



The Aneros is made of a hard plastic similar to Delrin, and has no uncomfortable ridges anywhere on the body. Gently rounded contours and a one-inch maximum diameter make the MGX a toy that can be used by anyone, whether or not you're experienced with anal play. The plastic can be cleaned with soap and water, but it is hard to truely sanitize it as the two common methods, boiling in water or soaking in 10% bleach, can degrade the plastic.

I found the Aneros to be very pleasant in use, at least at first. After lubricating both the Aneros and my anus, I was able to easily slide the Aneros into place. I could tell that the tip of the toy was contacting my prostate, and contracting my PC muscles caused it to move as designed, giving me a comfortable and stimulating prostate massage. In general the Aneros lived up to its design as a hands-free toy, staying put almost all of the time during tests. Once it started to rotate, and at one point it did start to slide out, but neither happened often enough to cause me to question the hands-free nature of the toy.

The biggest problem that people have with the Aneros-type toys is the stimulation not being as strong as expected. To use the Aneros as intended (as a hands-free prostate massager that is able to initiate a "super-O") requires both strong pelvic muscles as well as practice using the Aneros and interpreting the sensations it gives. Even though I'm a pretty experienced Aneros user I even find myself wanting "a little more" from time to time, and I was pleasantly surprised with the MGX's handle when I grabbed it to give myself "a little more".



The handle is a curved, springlike extention that comes off the back of the base. When you grab it the springiness of the plastic allows you to give yourself a bit of added stimulation, but it doesn't poke uncomfortably during use as the spring modulates the force.

There are several differences between the MGX and my Progasm. One of them is the MGX's texturing along the "neck" of the toy. The MGX has slight, rounded ridges over about one and a quarter inches of the neck's length. These provide a bit of anal stimulation as well as giving your anus something to grab during hands-free operation. They work well and definitely add to the toy.



The other difference is in the external stimulators. The Progasm has two ball-shaped stimulators, one to the front and one to the back, whereas the MGX has a single disk-shaped front perinial stimulator. The loss of the back stimulator is no big deal, as it doesn't stimulate anything on many people (myself included), but the different front stimulator design was noticeable. I can use the Progasm for an hour or so without any irritation, but after about a half-hour the disk stimulator on the MGX started to irritate my perinium. This is the only noticeable flaw I found with the toy, but I do wish that Aneros would redesign their entire line to use the Progasm's ball-type stimulator.

While I generally don't go long enough to experience a "super-O", I enjoy my Aneros toys, especially the fact that their hands-free design really works without hands, enabling them to be easily used to add an extra dimension to partner sex without needing to have a spare hand ready to push a toy back in if it starts working out.

In conclusion the Aneros MGX is pretty good, ranking 4 out of 5 stars, with the only major fault being the possibilty of irritation from the perinium tab. The MGX does what it says it will do - stimulating the prostate and functioning hands-free, and it is good for both those seeking a super-O as well as those who want a little extra during sexual activity. Wander on over to Babeland (either the store or the website at www.babeland.com) and take a look at the MGX or one of their other good choices for sex toys.